Thicker Than Blood - Crouch Blake - Страница 120

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And Violet would burst into tears.

Still in so much pain, but regardless she would sit up in bed, straining against the tubes and needles carrying medicine into her body, and reach out her arms to her son.

And when she looked down at Max, her tears would star his little cheeks and she’d touch his face and whisper, Mommy’s here, little man. Mommy’s here.

I ran through this scene several times, each one more emotional than the last.

More touching.

Violet happier.

The nurses crying.

Even a hardened doctor tearing up.

Mother and child together at last, on their way to a complete recovery.

But no matter how many times I played the moment in my mind, nothing changed.

I couldn’t feel a thing.

I only wanted to get back to the warehouse.

Back to Luther.

And all those beautiful things I could do to him.

It was on that second day that something switched. The rage and power had tasted good up until now, but on that second day, they became irresistible. Took on the ecstatic, bottomless property of addiction.

I felt joy at the sound of his screams.

Comfort at the sight of his blood running down the wood or boiling on the electrodes.

And there was no longer rage in what I did, only sadness.

It had crept in but was now expanding, filling my lungs like a deep breath of oxygen, and I knew why it was there.

One simple fact.

Eventually...this was going to end.

Luther was going to run out of blood and screams and die.

After forty-eight hours, in the midst of trying to bring Luther back to consciousness with a packet of smelling salts, I collapsed…

Revived on the concrete floor, no idea how long I’d been out.

I sat up and yawned, struggling onto my feet.

Luther was still unconscious.

I stood there looking down at what I’d done to him, trying to feel something.

For a moment, I wondered if he’d died, and this prompted only a remote sadness that I wouldn’t hear him in full voice again.

It was like sunlight, that intense emotion.

Something to counteract the emptiness.

I could imagine craving it.

I wanted to rouse him, but I was beyond exhaustion.

I left him to sleep and wandered through the warehouse until I found something resembling a place to sleep—the backseat of a minivan or station wagon, still in its plastic covering.

I curled up on the cushions and shut my eyes.

Wondering, as sleep descended, what I had become.

Orson and I are back at his cabin in the desert, only everything is different. We’re one. So linked we don’t have to speak. Every word, every emotion exchanged by thought.

We’re walking across the desert at sunset, no sound but the impact of our boots crunching against the hardpan. I’m doing all the talking—all the thinking. Telling him that I finally understand, that I’m sorry. Everything he put me through, he did out of love. I know this now. He knew me before I knew myself. He tried to show me and I threw it back in his face.

We finally arrive at the top of a gentle rise, the desert expanding around us—the view fifty miles in every direction.

The evening is warm and the sun, now perched on the horizon, feels good in our faces.

I love you, brother, I say, but when I turn to face him, I find that I’m alone.

I sat up suddenly on the bench seat in a cold sweat, tears in my eyes, and my leg on fire, realizing I’d dreamed of my brother. Orson had often haunted my dreams since that summer in the desert eight years ago, but this was the first time I’d ever woke up missing him.

Luther was awake. I could hear him moaning on the other side of the warehouse.

I could barely walk, my right leg stiff and hot and the raw flesh beginning to scab over.

I limped over to Luther, sprawled on the gurney but looking better than I would have imagined. I’d hurt him, but inflicted no broken bones, no life-threatening puncture wounds. My greatest fear had been losing him prematurely.

"You’ll never guess who I dreamed about," I said.

"Who?"

"Orson."

He managed a weak smile.

"He’d certainly be enjoying this."

"I know," I said. "That’s what worries me. Do you think you can stand?"

"You haven’t even come close to hurting me."

I walked over to the control panel, pulled open the bottom drawer, and took out a stainless-steel Spyderco Harpy that looked more like a talon than a knife.

Back at the gurney, Luther looked confused as I unbuckled both ankle restraints and one of his wrists.

"What is this?" he said.

I was walking away from the gurneys, out into the middle of the warehouse floor.

When I stopped and turned around, he’d already unbuckled the last restraint and was painfully prying his skin off the electrodes.

He finally broke free and swung his legs off the gurney.

Naked, tall, pale, and covered in cuts, burns, and bruises.

He looked monstrous.

"What is this?" he said again.

I reached into my pocket, took out the Harpy I’d liberated from the control panel drawer.

Now I held a knife in each hand.

I swung my right arm back and sent the knife sliding across the concrete, until it finally collided into Luther’s bare feet.

"I can barely walk," I said. "And you aren’t so pretty yourself."

"Yeah."

"I’d say we’re evenly matched."

"Not even." He knelt and lifted the Harpy off the floor, opened it with a subtle flick of the wrist. "I’ll fucking take you apart."

"Then let’s do it," I said, opening my blade and starting toward him. "One of us has to die."

Epilogue

HE doesn’t know how long he’s been chained up in darkness.

He barely remembers his own name.

Almost all of the time, he is cold.

All of the time, he is thirsty and hungry.

There is no day or night here, down in this cold, dank room in the basement of the factory. He thinks he may have been here for months, but it could be longer. Much longer. He fears that his mind has lost the ability to reason time. That years may have passed.

His beard is six inches long.

He is skin and bones.

The slash he received eons ago is now nothing more than a raised scar across his abdomen, and he fingers it obsessively, constantly replaying the knife-fight like a piece of botched choreography.

Every other day, his captor brings a pitcher of water and a plate of food.

Several times, he was asleep when the food arrived and awoke to find a giant rat feasting on his meal.

The first three times, he shooed it away.

The fourth, he crushed it and ate it.

His former life only visits him in dreams—bright, vivid, blue-sky dreams.

He has long passed the point of wanting death and he couldn’t effectuate such a plan regardless. He is forced to wear a helmet to prevent braining himself. The few times he’s tried to starve himself or go without water has resulted in force-feeding. In one paining session, his teeth were removed so he couldn’t bleed himself to death.

His captor has informed him that he intends to keep him alive for twenty years, and while he feels certain that his body will last, he wonders about his mind. Already, it is breaking down. To know and understand that you’re going crazy is perhaps the worst brand of torment he has ever withstood. He’d rather spend a year in the gurney.

And so he is essentially a soul trapped in an earthbound body.

His approach to living could almost be described as Zen.

The ten square feet where he eats and sleeps and shits is his world.

He has an intimate knowledge of the cracks and fissures in the concrete beneath him—studies their patterns like the word of God.

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