Tainted Black - Williams Shanora - Страница 62
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“I can’t fucking believe you.” Izzy finally spoke, but the words were far from kind. They were sharp, deadly, and dripping with venom. “You fucking skank! You said you came here for your dad—to help him—but you were here fucking mine all along!?”
“Izzy, I swear it wasn’t like that!”
“No? Really? Then what was it?”
“I did come here for my dad—we were—” I didn’t know how to respond. My tongue was twisted, but my mind was filled with way too many responses. I had always wondered how this day would go if it ever happened. The “if” was what scared me, but when I thought of it, I had so much I could have said to back myself up, but it was much harder than I thought. Nothing felt right—nothing but telling her the shocking truth. The one thing I knew. It was all out of love. Love! That’s what it was, but I couldn’t spill that truth.
“Yeah,” she breathed. “Exactly. Wow.” She shook her head, huffing a laugh that didn’t dare light her soul. “And Dad, you… wow.” She was shocked, finding this information truly unbelievable. “I can’t even fucking believe you would do something like this. With Chloe!? You’re twice her age, Dad! You could be her fucking father! You’re fucking disgusting! Is that what turns you on? Girls that can consider you their dad? Girls my age that don’t know any fucking better?” She scoffed, snatching up her purse and storming for the door. Before she could get there, Theo caught her, spinning her around.
“You’re not driving angry, Izzy. Stay here so we can explain.”
She seemed to blow fire, yanking her arm away and backing up. I moved forward, eyes thick, full of tears and heavy with apologies. “Fuck you, Dad! Fuck you! Now I see why Mom cheated on you! You’re a selfish prick who only thinks about himself! Did you even care to think about how I would feel about this? I’m your only child, and she is—no, was my only friend. And you…” She turned my way, looking at me directly.
“Izzy,” I whimpered. “Please.” Please what, Chloe? Please what!? Say something, stupid! Anything!
“You…” Her head shook, her upper lip curling as she disappointedly shook her head at me. Her voice cracked, and I was sure the ache she felt was all too real. I knew it was similar to the ache I felt… the hurt. The pain. It was hard to bare. “You aren’t a good-hearted person,” she grumbled. “You are a no-good, inconsiderate bitch. You’ve always had the hots for my dad. I always knew it. I just didn’t think you’d take it this far. You knew staying around me would get you closer, didn’t you? You are a little fucking whore, just like your mom! I knew some of her would rub off on you somewhere.”
“Isabelle fucking Black!” Theo’s voice roared. He was angry. Pissed the fuck off. His knuckles had whitened, nostrils flaring with a locked jaw and knitted brows.
Her words were like leather belts, whipping every sensitive part of me. I called her name repeatedly, begging forgiveness, but I wouldn’t be forgiven. She wouldn’t because she didn’t understand… or maybe I didn’t understand. I hurt Izzy. I’d had my heart broken before, but I was certain I’d broken hers that night. She was angry, yes, but she spoke out of raw anger because she trusted me. She loved me and felt like she could talk to me about any and everything.
I would have never taken advantage of my friend, but I couldn’t say I had the right to fuck with Mr. Black. I had no right. And I clearly had no real respect because I went through with sleeping with him many, many times.
“Fuck you, Dad!” She fled.
I buckled when my best friend—ex best friend—stormed out of the condo. Theo was torn, unsure if he should go for me or for Izzy. He debated, peering my way and starting to come, but then he stepped back, looking towards the door.
He ran out the door, calling after his only child, and I fell, my knees hitting the hard floor, tears streaming. I’d cried before, plenty of times. But never like this. Never, ever like this. A gaping hole had formed in my chest. It would be hard to fill. I’d been picked apart, my heart cracking with each withered beat. It was a painful feeling. It hurt… it hurt so damn much. “I’m sorry,” I cried to nobody. “I swear I didn’t want it to happen like this…”
I died little by little.
I hurt.
I died some more.
Imagine blood seeping out of every pore, spilling right from the gash in your heart. Imagine not being able to prevent the bleeding. Can you imagine that pain? Not being able to control something that feels so close, yet something that is so deep inside you that you can’t reach it unless you rip yourself wide open, clawing with raw loathing?
You suffer as you scratch, knowing that soon you will die inside and out because there’s nothing you can do to stop it. You can’t stop the drumming of an emotional, beautiful heart, not unless you stab a dagger of hatred right through the center.
Just imagine that, but bleeding out ten times faster than the average person. Imagine bleeding for lost love, broken hearts, and damaged souls. Imagine feeling nothingness—an unbearable ache that will never be fulfilled.
Can you imagine?
Can you feel it… that very ache that I had no choice but to feel?
I sat on Theo’s floor for what felt like an eternity, folded over, my face buried in my hands. A door shut minutes later and heavy footsteps came my way. They stopped right beside me, and with a gentle grasp, I was pulled up.
I glanced up, and through blurred vision, I could tell it was Theo by his broad shoulders and straggled hair. “Couldn’t make it to the elevator in time.”
“You can’t let her drive angry.”
“She won’t.” He lifted up the key fob. “She forgot the keys.”
I sniffled, dropping my chin. “Theo, I—I feel so bad.” My throat dried and thickened, eyes welting again. “We never should have touched each other…”
His face saddened, tears collecting at the rims of his eyes. “I know, Chloe.” He pulled me in and inhaled. His warm breath ran down my shoulders when he exhaled. “I’m so fucking sorry, Knight.”
He held me, rocked with me for just a little while. “This can’t be fixed,” I whispered. “Can it?”
He didn’t say anything. I didn’t expect him to.
Pulling back and tilting my chin, he said, “Come with me to the docks. It should get you to relax… calm down for now. She’ll come back. She has to. Let her take some time to cool off, and let’s hope she doesn’t do anything crazy.”
“Should we go after her?”
He was perplexed. He wanted to, but he and I both knew Izzy would be hard to find, and if we did find her, we would get another ear full of hatred and shame. So he shook his head. “Nah. Let her come back to us.”
She’d come back to him. But me… hmm. No. But I nodded anyway, and he brought his mouth down to kiss me. I expected to feel that same heat, that quick fire that always made me combust deep inside, but instead, I felt nothing. It didn’t feel like how it felt once before.
It wasn’t dirty or bad or wrong. It didn’t even feel good. I didn’t feel anything. I was numb to his touch, like my body had anesthetized itself, preventing me from feeling anymore pain, or hurt… even the love.
He noticed… I think. If he did, he didn’t speak on it.
Theo grabbed his keys, and we were at his bike in no time. During the ride, I clung to him as if my life depended on it, but there was something about the position I was in. He was quiet, but I was quieter. I still cried, going over all the times he and I made love, how we secretly created a relationship that couldn’t be understood. The foundation of our relationship was Izzy. If it weren’t for being her friend, I never would have met or hung around Theo so much.
I was sure his mind was crowded, not only with how he was going to gain his daughter’s forgiveness, but also with Mrs. Black. She’d cheated on him… with Sterling. She lied about a lot of things. All these years he thought she was only loyal to him—and for a while she was—but for the last few years of her life, she wasn’t. She’d given half of her heart to a boy that had similarities to her first love.
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