This Man Confessed - Malpas Jodi Ellen - Страница 87

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He takes my hands and holds them tightly. ‘I’ve had Sarah at The Manor while we’ve been gone.’

‘WHAT?’ My head lifts and my throat is instantly hoarse.

‘She’s dealing with things while I’m gone. John can’t do it on his own, Ava.’

‘But Sarah? You said she was gone, end of!’ I’m livid. My blood is instantly boiling and it’s heating my face, all thoughts of absconded parents and painful histories eradicated at the mention of her name. ‘Why after everything she’s done would you allow that?’ I snatch my hands from his and try to push him way. ‘Get off!’

‘Ava, will you calm down! ‘

‘Why? Worried I might injure your babies?’ I spit at him.

Those words just changed his concerned look to one of displeasure. He’s scowling at me, but I couldn’t give a toss. ‘Don’t talk fucking shit.’ He manages to seize my flailing hands and secure them above my head.

‘You think it.’ I yell in his face. ‘Your constant monitoring and over-protectiveness tells me all I need to know.’

‘I’ve always been overprotective, so don’t brandish that card, lady!’

He’s right, he has, but I’m pissed and I’ll use anything against him, which reminds me that we’ve steered off course a bit. ‘She goes, or I do!’

He actually rolls his eyes. I don’t appreciate it. I buck myself, and he releases me, but it’s because he doesn’t want me to hurt his babies. It makes me madder. ‘Ava, I was in a mess, you refuse to work for me, and I need someone who knows what they’re doing.’

I stop and swing round. ‘So she’s working for you again?’ I don’t believe this. Her compassionate little speech at the coffee house stood for shit. She’s probably delighting in this. He gets up and walks towards me. ‘Stop where you are, Ward!’ I point my finger in his face. ‘Don’t try to placate me or convince me that this is all fine because it fucking isn’t!’

‘Watch you fucking mouth!’

‘No! She’s in love with you. Do you know that? Everything she has done really is because she wants to take you away from me, so don’t even think about trying to convince me that this is a good idea.’

‘I know,’

I snap my mouth shut and retreat back a little. ‘What do you mean, you know?’

‘I know she’s in love with me.’

‘You do?’

‘Of course I do, Ava. I’m not fucking stupid.’

I scoff. ‘You obviously are! You’ll trample anyone who tries to take me away from you, yet right under your nose, she’s doing the best job and you’re choosing to ignore it!’ I swing around and stamp my way into the kitchen. I need some water to sooth my scratchy throat.

‘I didn’t just let it go unsaid, Ava. I had it out with her and she admitted and regretted it all.’

‘Of course she regrets it. She failed! She’s probably regretting not doing a better job.’ I slam my glass down on the worktop. ‘And you may as well have let it go unsaid. Did you offer burial or cremation?’

His face screws up. ‘What?’

‘The usual option you give people who hurt me. Did you offer it to Sarah?’

‘No, I offered her a job in return for her word that she’ll never interfere again. I told her that if you say so, she’s out.’

‘I say so!’ I shout. ‘I say she’s out!’

‘But she hasn’t done anything.’

I look at the thick skinned idiot across the worktop in disbelieve. ‘She’s not done anything?’

His eyes close and he exhales long and wearily. ‘I mean she’s not done anything since I reinstated her. And you rewarded her with a tidy crack to the jaw for the stuff that came before.’

‘Why are you doing this? You know how I feel, Jesse.’

‘Because she’s desperate, Ava. She has no life past The Manor.’

‘You feel sorry for her?’ I ask more calmly. I love everything about this man, except his sudden empathy for all of these historical women who are trying to sabotage our relationship. Look what he did to Matt, for Christ’s sake.

‘Ava, first of all, I want you to calm down because it’s not good for you or the babies.’

‘I am calm!’ I screech, lifting my glass with wobbly hands. I’m far from calm.

He sighs and cocks his head to crack his neck, almost like he’s alleviating some stress. I have no idea what he’s so stressed about. Let me tell him that I’ll continue to work for Mikael and see what reaction that sparks. It’s the same principle, kind of.

He walks over to me, takes the glass from my hand and picks me up, placing me on the worktop. My jaw is seized and pulled up to meet his face. I maintain my scowl, looking at him through pissed off eyes.

‘Sarah has nothing. I kicked her out when she came clean, and thought no more of it.’ He takes a deep breath. ‘Until John spoke with her and she was saying all kinds of fucked up shit, the most worrying part mentioning death being better than living her life without me.’

My suspicious mind instantly makes me think that it’s another ploy to nab him. I can’t help it. ‘Attention seeker.’ I snipe, still scowling. Her past actions are a clear indication to what lengths she’ll go to.

‘I thought so, too, but John wasn’t so sure. He found her. She’d slashed her wrists and taken a pile of pain killers.’ He raises his eyebrows as I recoil. ‘It was no cry for help, Ava. There was no attention seeking about it. John only just got her to the hospital in time. She wanted to die.’

My brain is failing me on all counts. There are plenty of sensible questions that I should be asking, but nothing is coming to me. I’m blank.

‘I don’t want another death on my conscience, baby. I live with Jake’s every single day. I can’t do it.’

I choke on sympathy. ‘She came to see me.’ I say. I don’t know where it comes from.

‘She told me.’ He reaches up and cups my cheek. ‘But I’m surprised you never mentioned this before.’

What can I say? That Sarah’s words were, in fact, the reason for my clarity? That she was the reason I turned up at The Manor in such a state? ‘I didn’t think it was important.’ I answer feebly. Does he know exactly when Sarah paid me a visit, because if he does, then surely he’ll know that a couple of hours later, I was a deranged wreck, desperate to see him.

‘It was Sarah who told Matt about my drinking.’ He starts biting his lip.

I recoil further, and his hand drops from my face. That’s how Matt found out? ‘Is that how you knew I was collecting my clothes from Matt’s too?’

He nods. ‘She said she’d overheard you on the phone, telling someone you were intending to pick your stuff up. I was too mad to piece it together. I saw red, acted on impulse and asked questions later.’

So her list of misdemeanours goes further. I desperately do not want to feel sorry for her. ‘She said she couldn’t work for you anymore.’ I remind him. ‘So how come she is?’

‘I asked her. I’ll never find someone else to do the job, which means I’ll have to do it, and I’m not prepared to give up my time with you. And you should know, she only accepted on the condition that you were okay with it.’

If I’m okay with it? That makes me feel like total shit. So the future of Sarah has been placed in my hands? If I say no, will she try to top herself again? And if I agree, will I be facing another round of Sarah trying to split us up? ‘You’re not giving me much of a choice.’ I mutter. I’m trying and failing to be logical here. I don’t want to lose Jesse to The Manor’s demands at the best of times, not least to piles of paperwork that will stress him out. I’ll never see him, but if I accept this, then I’m accepting what she has done to us, and I don’t think I can do that, not even when she’s tried to kill herself. But Jesse’s words keep running on repeat in my head.

I live with Jake’s every single day. I can’t do it.

And I can’t do it to him, just because of my insecurities regarding The Manor’s resident Indiana Jones. My anxieties are justified, but Jesse’s guilt isn’t, and I can’t put him through any more than he’s already dealt with. It would be cruel and selfish. I love him too much.

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