I Want It That Way - Aguirre Ann - Страница 53

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Eventually, she asked, “Are there any house rules?”

“There’s a work schedule,” I said.

So far, there hadn’t been much trouble. Nobody made any huge messes, we took turns doing various chores, and the worst problem we had was bickering over who ate the last yogurt. Then I explained how we were splitting the food bill and hoped she wouldn’t be one of those food labelers who would stare suspiciously to make sure we hadn’t touched her ramen.

“Works for me. If you were wondering, I don’t keep kosher, so you don’t have to worry when you’re shopping.”

“That’s a relief,” Angus joked. “Max would die without ham.”

Max muttered back, “Would not. I’d just be very sad.”

Courtney smiled at us tentatively. “You have no idea what a relief it is to be here. Everything I own reeks of weed.” That explains her pleasure in hustling high people. “Toward the end, the RA was obsessed with busting Madison, and she was constantly finding reasons to knock on our door.”

I teased, “Will you bend spoons with your mind for us?”

“Oh, God. I can’t believe you remember that.”

We stayed up late talking, all four of us. Things didn’t seem quite so dire in the morning. Courtney was here, nothing exploded, and she paid her rent on time. I didn’t poke her awake in the middle of the night, of course. And I didn’t go to Max’s room, either.

The first week of February trundled by in a wave of work, school and applying strategies I’d learned in the first practicum. Now I led a lesson every week, and Ms. Roberts was less proactive than Ms. Parker. It wasn’t that she was a bad teacher, but...she was tired. To her, my presence offered a break, and she was more interested in resting than teaching me. I tried not to let it bother me.

It had been a while since I went to the exercise room, so I changed into sweats after work and headed over. When I walked in, Ty was on the treadmill, running as if zombies were chasing him. His face was ruddy with exertion, his gray T-shirt damp with sweat. He glanced up, stumbling when he realized it was me. I nodded in greeting and climbed on the elliptical. The silence was awkward, but what could I say?

I miss you, I thought. I hate this.

He finished his workout in silence and switched off the machine, turning away to blot his face with the towel. “I have to go. Night class.”

“See you.” I held my breath until he left and then crumpled over the console, closing my eyes against an intense wave of longing.

On Valentine’s Day, I stayed home with Max and Courtney while Angus took Del out for a romantic evening. Unsurprisingly, we watched I Hate Valentine’s Day. Courtney and I ate half a pound of chocolate while Max sighed at us. He hadn’t talked about Lauren in a while.

She emailed me often, chirpy notes about people back home, my parents and hanging out with my brother, Rob, working on his new house. There was stuff about a pregnant classmate, her mom’s new boyfriend, how she planned to transfer her credits and take computer classes online. I didn’t share her news with Max; it wouldn’t help him to hear how happy she was.

“I know why I’m depressed,” Courtney said, glancing over at me. “What about you?”

I didn’t know her well enough to tell the whole story, so I just said, “Recent breakup.”

“Me, too. Well, sort of. The fallout is fresh, anyway.”

“You want to talk about it?”

“Are you easily agitated?” That was such a strange question that I arched a brow.

Max snickered. “She’s trying to figure out if you’ll be weird after you hear her deal.”

“I’m already weird,” I said.

“Point. She’s cool, Courtney, you can trust her.”

Now I was curious. I paused the movie and shifted on the couch, giving her my full attention. She repaid that focus by putting down her bucket of Hershey’s Kisses. “It’s not that I mind people knowing, but sometimes girls are strange about this, especially if we share a room. I’m bi, but I’m not remotely into you.”

I laughed, pretending to protest, “But...my dreams.”

“Anyway, I was with this chick, Amy, for a while. Before me, she’d never been with a girl. I’m not sure if it was a phase or she was college-curious. Whatever. It lasted a couple of months, but she was so high-maintenance—and I say that as a Jewish woman.” When she flashed me a grin, I knew it was okay to chuckle. “So I broke up with her, and she told everyone, all over campus, that I got her drunk and seduced her. Which is such bullshit. She’s the one who said she’d always been interested. Now people act like I’m a predatory lesbian, scheming to snatch away people’s straight cards with my irresistible girl sex.”

“Is that why you were kissing Max at the party?”

She shook her head. “I like kissing Max. He’s good at it. You should try it.”

He shot us a horrified look. “Can you not pimp me out, Kaufman? Just for the sake of my fragile self-esteem.”

“I did kiss Max,” I said. “Freshman year, first time I met him. Then he said—”

“Oh, God, not again.” He dropped his face in his hands.

Courtney ordered, “Shut up, you. I want to hear this.”

I cracked up. As bad lines went, it was my favorite. “‘Do you know karate? ’Cause, girl, your body is kickin’.’”

“I was in my gangster phase,” he mumbled.

Courtney almost fell on the floor laughing. “That’s the best thing I’ve ever heard. Do you mind if I steal that? I’m pretty sure I have the street cred to pull it off.” She threw up some random gestures that were meant to pass as gang signs, but I suspected they were ASL. “Don’t leave me hanging. Did that work for him?”

“I laughed. But he did, too. Then we got drunk and made out.”

“As you do,” she said wisely.

“Why must you dredge up our sordid past?” Max wondered aloud.

“Because it’s hilarious. So then, I heard a bunch of guys talking about how many girls Max had banged, and betting I’d be next. I made a point never to let him feel me up again.”

He pulled a face that was pure dejection. “And I’ve been so lonely.”

“I can understand your scruples,” Courtney said to me. “I’m glad I didn’t know you when you were a freshman, dude.”

“That’s a popular opinion,” he muttered.

Angus came home an hour after the movie ended. We’d hooked up a laptop, like Ty had downstairs, and were watching Netflix instead of cable. I was ready to suggest canceling the service to save money, but Angus watched certain shows when they came on, and he’d probably be crushed if I pointed out he could watch them anytime online. In some respects, he was a traditionalist.

“So how was the date?” Max asked.

Angus sank onto the sofa between Courtney and me. “He’s fantastic, but I’m not sleeping with him yet.”

“Don’t tell me somebody got you a copy of The Rules for Christmas.” That was Courtney. She glanced around. “It wasn’t me.”

“No, I just want to take it slow, after Josh. That was... It was years. I was starting to think maybe he was the one. I don’t want to get hurt again.”

“You’ll always get hurt.” The words popped out before I could stop them but I didn’t mean them to sound so bitter. “You just have to make sure the person’s worth the pain.”

“Deep,” Courtney said.

“Happy Valentine’s Day, motherfuckers.” Max stood and arched his back, and I grabbed his cynical ass in a tight hug.

Angus and Courtney got in on the action, and for a few seconds, I felt a little lighter, like the hollow in my chest might one day fill up with other things. I went to bed in a better mood.

The rest of February sped by, occupied with work, classes, homework, practicum and the occasional social event with my roomies. They made a point of dragging me out of the house whether I wanted to go or not. Sometimes they went drinking, though I never got wasted over Ty like Angus had Josh. I just kept pushing forward.

In March, I realized it had been two months since we broke up, though I couldn’t claim that word. He was never my boyfriend. But he was the guy I loved. And still did, in all honesty. The feeling hadn’t faded. Sometimes, sometimes, I had weak moments.

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